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What is this emotion? It’s an odd mixture of joy, sorrow, and contentment, yet I can’t quite put my finger on it.

enjoyment + sorrow + contentment = ensorrowment

These are emotions I’ve never felt all at once before. I have no idea what to do with it, but I know that it all relates to how my experiences have brought me to where I am right now.

  • I feel thorough enjoyment when I look upon my past and find great memories, mischief, and realize that I soaked in the pleasantries God set aside for me. I am blessed to have so many moments that cause me to smile in reflection.
  • I feel utter sorrow when I look upon my past and find a wake of destruction, carelessness, sloth, and unintentionality. My heart breaks at the thought of years wasted.
  • I feel reassuring contentment when I look upon my present and witness the fruits of positive experiences and negative contrasts. Lord, you have shaped me through the friction of each sorrow and the blessing of each enjoyment.

All I can do with this emotion, Lord, is to embrace it and trust that it is from you. Please use this to change me and grant me wisdom. Salvage this moment.